oh, hell

kim asked leo to the dance on a dare. he said yes. shit.

for the full story, go to http://theforgottendandelion.blogspot.com/2010/06/oh-my-god-oh-my-heavens-holy-moly.html

but he said yes.

so, they are going out? i think?

maybe it'll just be the dance. i doubt it.

why did he have to say yes?

and today had been pretty decent until now. i found out on ruths blog, where she griped about being the only one going without a date. then she mentioned kim as someone who is. it was scary.

i think ill go curl up in a ball now.

the birds in my tree

have you ever stayed up until 2am and listened to the birds? the make some pretty funky noises late at night. or early morning. im really tired. i think i'll stay up for another few hours.

well, today stunk.

since there were about 40 people in the school today, they made us all sit in the one and only room with an AC, and watch the rookie. warning: do not watch this movie while operating heavy machinery, driving, or living. it is quite possibly the most generic sports movie ever, even though the baby (shown twice) is adorable. and, of course, we werent allowed to leave the room, talk, play cards, or read. i mean, why not read? im in the middle of the odyssey, which im sure is much more interesting, informing and educational than the rookie. so, i read under the table the entire time, which was very dark and gave me a headache.

as interesting as my headache woes are, i did a lot of story structure. i didnt write down a single thing, but i went for a bike ride and shouted about 2 chapters to the sky. i also got some strange looks, but thats to be expected. i have decided that my myth is slightly different, and it is actually a curse from the first castoff from either indlass or southern raise. (two countries flanking the island where my characters live) the curse-er is a woman who was banished because of an accident caused a very long time ago, which people teased her for, and she cursed them and was banished for the cursing. they all were terrified, because she was very powerful and nothing had happened to them, yet. then they all had children, and the kids had the same disease as the witch woman. she shows remorse later in life when one of the kids begs her to reverse it, and she does her best and then goes off to grieve alone. the story starts 5 generations later, when the descendants of the original cursed kids are now all living on the island where witch woman was banished to. now a proper country, the island is thriving. until the myth is brought back to life by the witches curse, who is its own being. sort of. i havent worked out how the curse being alive ties in, but the disease shows up in the 5th generation and a prophecy is made. and here the story starts.

i havent quite worked out the details, but the prophecy is something to do with one of the cursed children, the eldest and first child of the curse ruling over them all and the rest of the lands with the help of a certain ability. the one taming and teaching this eldest child will be the grand ruler of everything. this backfires on the guy trying to tame the eldest and first child of the curse, because of her ability. (each of the 8 develop a certain ability that they use above all and are master of. it is usually the first thing they learn to do.) so, thats what happens as far as i know. oh, and the children of the curse can only live twenty years, exactly. all part of the curse.

now that i have typed up almost everything i know about this story, i think it would do me good to write it down. or type it, which is more likely.

no news is depressing news.

nothing has happened. nothing will happen. i am dead to the world. i almost opened up to ruthy, sort of. sent her an email about past writings and whatnot. i think i gave e the impressing im depressed, i hope not. i dont want her to think too much about me. i mean, shes my best friend. but i dont want her worrying about me. i dont think she does.

leo i think has been ignoring me more than usual in school. no contact whatsoever. he hasnt even looked at me, far as i know. but ive caught him and kim talking, which is unsettling. i think that if she were to say to his face that he should ask me to the dance (which she said she would, for reasons unknown, yet suspected) there would be a greater chance he would ask her. this might be what she wants, after all. i know she would love to be asked by him to the dance, but would she sink so low as to involve me in it? i hope that, if he does, she tells us all at once. easier to cover up my despair until i can get home and sob. crap, i hope he asks during last class. and that that class is french, which we all have together. that way she can tell me immediately, and i only have to wait for a few minutes. or, better yet, he would ask her on the 8th grade trip and she could blog about it, that way i would not only be prepared but also i could email her say congratulations, and it would all be out of the way. or, best of all, he wont ask her. i dont think i could bare to hope for a scenario where he asks me.

now that i have sufficiently ranted about leo, the dance, and leoleoleoleoleo, i think i can talk about my story. like i said, i told ruthy about past writings. i refused to tell her about Myth, though. i would have to give it up and that would be depressing. i dont think i can give up on this one just yet. i should write now. i probably wont, but goodbye anyways.

camp smells

today while walking to lunch, i got a brief whiff of camp-smell. it was strange, and it only lasted for a moment. i stood stock still and waited for it to come again, sniffing in vain. it was odd, to say the least.

we didnt do much today. now that i think about it, other than the camp-smell, there isnt anything for me to blog about. im going to go write after this, and fix up what i have on paper. i might visit some other note-worthy blogs. i just dont know.

oh, wait! i know it is of no interest to anybody, but i saw leo and kim talking in the halls twice today, right after she wrote on her blog that he had been ignoring her. hmm... maybe theyve made up. i think ill check her blog first.

im such an idiot.

1. i have no life

2. i never will

3. i spend my time blogging

4. i will never publish anything

5. i will never even finish anything

6. i neglect my family

7. i avoid leo

8. i am self centered

9. i detest everyone whose better than me

10. i am a self hating monster

11. i will never mean anything to anyone

12. i am a bitch to my friends

13. i cant leave this list, im too depresed

14. i dont have the energy to even fucking smile

fruit

im in such a fruity mood today. i just changed my blog theme to passion fruits (and silver spoons, of course), i had only fruit for lunch, i thought a lot about cherries, chewed fruit flavored gum and had fruit flavored ice cream. today truly is fruity.

im going rock climbing with lolo again soon, cant wait. it really feels good afterwards, as in really good. my muscles feel rejuvenated. im going to prepare for the rocks, so ttfn.

june, month of fruit.

june is the month of fruit, declares me. i have decided how and where to write my myth, and it feels good. really good. there are 13 days until my birthday, 22 until camp, and 15 till school is done. this just feels great. i mean, its summertime. whats not to love, besides this persistent heat? east coast, you mock me so. i think ill move to vermont. not maine, because maine is boring. but as north as america goes. maybe washington. a very wet state, why not? huh.

so, story development. i have definite characters and names. and right now, i am going to take a vow to not start another story or quit this one until september the first, when the hogwarts express leaves. maybe ill start labeling my posts, as well. most other people do. and it woudl be useful. i could have lots of labels, and i think i will.

im pretty sad. not depressed, but my probably only chance to view JKR is sliding between my fingers. june 18th, the harry potter theme park opens. and she might be there... this is pretty sad. i believe i am entitled to feel sad right about now. but, it is a beautiful day. except for this heat. that is pretty unbearable.

i wrote this all a while ago.

She won’t leave me alone. I show her that I hate her, that I won’t ever love her. But she just. Wont. Go.

I am trapped inside a never ending circle of death. All people die, and it is not a sad thing, but when you yourself are dying every day and every hour and every second of every moment, it is truly sad. Some people do not realize this, or can’t comprehend. The person who thought, erased, edited, changed is gone. She spent her entire life on that one word, of that one moment in time, trapped forever by this page. How simple, some might think, to click the little x and watch the lives of hundreds of people be forever erased. How hopelessly complex, terribly sad. I remember the girl who made the mistakes, and the girl who fixed them. They were in the same bed in the same position under these same sheets. It will never be me who paused, never me who had those great ideas. I envy those who have a mindset different from mine. Those who aren’t just them, but have names, and a purpose, and never realize that for the trillions and trillions of deaths that they have, only one is noticed by anyone other than me. How cruel, that I must be the one to notice them, watch them die, and remember every detail of it. Yet there is no escape. If I was to put an end to it, to have my final death, the last one and to some the only one, there would be no escape. I would be nothing, and that is so much worse than to die. The one thing that stops me from cutting my own throat is the thought of nothing. So immeasurably upsetting that it will make me lower my knife. I live through these thoughts, and so did Mira, who dies always.

Tears are the cleanser of the mind. Cry to block all else out, watch another cry to dispose of your anger.

blog.

i feel like im blogging to much. probably because i cant actually talk to anyone. have you ever heard the word abligurition? it is such an unheard of word, i just love it. it is a noun, the spending of too much money on food. and john green and i are the only ones who use it. i found it in a book of his, which i really enjoyed. he has some similar traits in all his main characters, but overall it is a great book. an abundance of kathrines is the title, incase you feel like reading it. another book of his is looking for alaska, which won lots of awards and im dying to read it. the first book he wrote that i read was paper towns, a novel about a senior on high school, quentin jacobsen, who lives in orlando and enjoys the boring monotony of it. then his love and neighbor, margo roth speigleman, takes him on an adventure across the city getting back at all the people who have hurt her. he turns up at school the next morning wanting to speak to her, but she has vanished yet again. he tries desperately to find her, and discovers something about them both in the process. an overall excellent book.

ive decided to keep my book on paper. better for bringing with me, and it makes me feel like margo- never without her little black notebook. mine is a black and white pattern, but oh well. i think the pattern is called forsooth? im not sure, but the brand logo in the corner is a shining grey M, which is perfect. of course it is.