first blogging, then biking.

i was supposed to go for a bike ride, but im going to make a short post. prahn developments! bet was beaten by her father when she was thrown out of the house, so

wait, i might not have included any of this last time i posted, because this all happened when i was talking to myself. i do that when im cycling and my ipod is dead/broken beyond repair. i plotted out prahns entire life in a strange accent. maybe thats prahns accent? but anyways, i was talking for at least two hours, and i cant write it all down now. i can say that i got some weird looks, though.

just got back from my bike ride, i made up lots more prahn stuff. and some ophili, who i havent written about on here yet. lets jsut say she will be the antagonist of whatever story im including her in, and she has some odd views. they make sense, but still. weirdo.

so, ophili. shes this great character, which just adds to my suspicions that i cant write- only design these beauteous characters. i dont mean to brag, but i really love ophili, oren, prahn, bet, beta, (sort of, shes only an infant) madelenne, misa, hyatt, chise, denoire, poppy, ella, norte, olivia (all off them- i have centered lots of stories around olivia. she always seems to be mourning.), issac, alina, gina (who lived for only moments), jared and every other other character who i cannot currently name because im either too sleepy or just dont remember them because they didnt stand out. i just adore ophili and bet, though. and since bet can only live through prahn, and i really love his pocket and his signs, he can stay as well. of course, oren and olivia are always going to be at the back of my mind. olivia staying strong through her terrible grief and oren pushing and egging me on.

one more thing... college. im really early for that type of thinking, but syracuse, cornell and brandice are on my mind. hmm...

not a lick...

...of reflecting on the last 3 years. should i be? sleepy is. im not sad, either. maybe im broken.

...of writing this weekend. i said i would, so of course there was no chance of it. shocking, right?

im going to go crack down, and try to figure out some of what i want in the story i was mumbling about last time i blogged. i like the basic idea, of course, but i need to really think about whats going to happen. i want to squeeze in this great character i came up with, prahn, but im not sure if i can. hes an assistant to the main antagonist, and completely insane. not bellatrix insane, more of a man who lost his marbles somewhere along the way. he watched his love die/killed her. her death was ordered by his employer the main antagonist, and he never got over it. as children he was completely alone and on the streets, and she was a mute neglected by her parents. the stuck together as outcasts, and made a life together. after her death, he would always keep one hand in his pocket- signing her name again and again. (she couldnt speak, so they made up a sign language together that no one else knew. he kept a picture of her with him, and he was signing to the picture.) a heart wrenching tale of undying love, right? theres a lot more to both of them, but ill save it. i think i named her bet, i know it started with a b.

im not sure i can include him. maybe he should have his own story? maybe i can give the 'mute lovers death drove him insane' role to someone else. it might fit better, because i have no idea who the antagonist that employs him is. he could be the main antagonist of the killed her sister story, conviced that they (sister and killer) murdered bet. who knows, if i think i can use him once i start writing again, hell be there.

i want a purpose. im going to go write again.

yes, i know i swore to keep up myth.

and i will, at camp. but an idea that i had a while ago keeps nagging me and one section is really begging me to write it. the story originally features time travel as a big element, and two giant corporations, but the section i want to focus on is the relationship between miss main character and mister next character. he kills her sister, she cant really do anything about it. she finds herself discovering he really is a wonderful person and possibly falls for him. im fuzzy on how she dies, but i have a basic idea on how they are lumped together and why the murder/manslaughter doesnt really matter. oh! maybe i could add that fish characteristic where they are participating in a big experiment! that could account for them being pushed together, but not the death. i need to plan this out.

i fisrt came back to this when i had this sort of daydream, but i was just poking around my subconscious for stories. i came across a pair laying on sodden earth just after a rainstorm, and mist floating on a gentle breeze. theyre fingers are interlocked, and the only light in this tiny wooded area is a sliver of moon, the night after a new moon. it is illuminating her face just enough for him to lean in and whisper, 'i didnt kill her, you know.'

i kinda started writing there, for a moment. and thats kind of how i tied that into the tt story. i dont know how they end up there, or where they go next, or why he had to protect ____ by taking the blame and her hate. just had an idea on how they got there. they are trying to get to someplace, (or are more likely fleeing another place) and are not in much of a hurry. she is still cold to him, but he can sort of sense her conflicting emotions. they take a break, and he notices that her pack (long journey, they had time to pack.) is bigger than his. he insists on switching, or taking some of her things into his bag, but she refuses. he tries to grab her bag but she snatches it away. they are wrestling, and finally collapse, exhausted. a drizzle sweeps through the trees (or it had started to rain, so they took a break under a denser patch of trees. if so, the moon is full but only a sliver reaches them. he notices the pack sizes after they set off, wrestling ensues.) and plasters their hair to their faces. they turn to face each other, and fall asleep. they wake up holding hands, and he announces the news.

so, thats chapter whatever summed up. i like it. i need to do some major plot development, but i have all of tomorrow off. and of course ill write.

i got my letter from my camp counselors today, and i think my jc is the girl i beat at a hp trivia contest when i was 10 and she was 15. thats gonna be weird, if its her. and yet again, i caught camp smell. i think im losing whats left of my mind.

to have a family

today, i saw motherly and sisterly love. honestly, i was jealous. i mean, it was so sweet and i know that i will never have that. oh, and i sort of mended the fight with my mum, by lying yet again. and of course, thats what the fight was about. a vicious cycle, i guess. but she wants to help me get ready for the dance, and im trying to indulge her.

but, new story idea! im not going to write it. im still working on Myth, and i will until at least the end of the summer, but this is something to hang onto. a kind of hunger games idea, but different. two groups of people, the killers and the dead. each killer has one perfect match, kind of like a soul mate, and these govt officials are forcing them into these two groups where they are trained to brutally kill the dead. (the people called 'the dead' are alive, but they will be all killed at age 15. their ages vary within the group) but before the killers take their tasks, they spend two months with the person they are to kill. these two people, one a dead and one a killer, are set together for their two month period. they discover that the govt is having these people all killed because there are two ancient groups who have these abilities, two are born every year. the govt figured that they could be dangerous, so they pretended it would be for entertainments sake to have them killed, when actually it was to keep them for gaining power and overthrowing the govt. then cool stuff happens, but i dont think i gave a very good description. so im sticking with Myth.

well, talking about my idea has cheered me up considerably, so ill go check my email.

well, today stunk.

since there were about 40 people in the school today, they made us all sit in the one and only room with an AC, and watch the rookie. warning: do not watch this movie while operating heavy machinery, driving, or living. it is quite possibly the most generic sports movie ever, even though the baby (shown twice) is adorable. and, of course, we werent allowed to leave the room, talk, play cards, or read. i mean, why not read? im in the middle of the odyssey, which im sure is much more interesting, informing and educational than the rookie. so, i read under the table the entire time, which was very dark and gave me a headache.

as interesting as my headache woes are, i did a lot of story structure. i didnt write down a single thing, but i went for a bike ride and shouted about 2 chapters to the sky. i also got some strange looks, but thats to be expected. i have decided that my myth is slightly different, and it is actually a curse from the first castoff from either indlass or southern raise. (two countries flanking the island where my characters live) the curse-er is a woman who was banished because of an accident caused a very long time ago, which people teased her for, and she cursed them and was banished for the cursing. they all were terrified, because she was very powerful and nothing had happened to them, yet. then they all had children, and the kids had the same disease as the witch woman. she shows remorse later in life when one of the kids begs her to reverse it, and she does her best and then goes off to grieve alone. the story starts 5 generations later, when the descendants of the original cursed kids are now all living on the island where witch woman was banished to. now a proper country, the island is thriving. until the myth is brought back to life by the witches curse, who is its own being. sort of. i havent worked out how the curse being alive ties in, but the disease shows up in the 5th generation and a prophecy is made. and here the story starts.

i havent quite worked out the details, but the prophecy is something to do with one of the cursed children, the eldest and first child of the curse ruling over them all and the rest of the lands with the help of a certain ability. the one taming and teaching this eldest child will be the grand ruler of everything. this backfires on the guy trying to tame the eldest and first child of the curse, because of her ability. (each of the 8 develop a certain ability that they use above all and are master of. it is usually the first thing they learn to do.) so, thats what happens as far as i know. oh, and the children of the curse can only live twenty years, exactly. all part of the curse.

now that i have typed up almost everything i know about this story, i think it would do me good to write it down. or type it, which is more likely.

no news is depressing news.

nothing has happened. nothing will happen. i am dead to the world. i almost opened up to ruthy, sort of. sent her an email about past writings and whatnot. i think i gave e the impressing im depressed, i hope not. i dont want her to think too much about me. i mean, shes my best friend. but i dont want her worrying about me. i dont think she does.

leo i think has been ignoring me more than usual in school. no contact whatsoever. he hasnt even looked at me, far as i know. but ive caught him and kim talking, which is unsettling. i think that if she were to say to his face that he should ask me to the dance (which she said she would, for reasons unknown, yet suspected) there would be a greater chance he would ask her. this might be what she wants, after all. i know she would love to be asked by him to the dance, but would she sink so low as to involve me in it? i hope that, if he does, she tells us all at once. easier to cover up my despair until i can get home and sob. crap, i hope he asks during last class. and that that class is french, which we all have together. that way she can tell me immediately, and i only have to wait for a few minutes. or, better yet, he would ask her on the 8th grade trip and she could blog about it, that way i would not only be prepared but also i could email her say congratulations, and it would all be out of the way. or, best of all, he wont ask her. i dont think i could bare to hope for a scenario where he asks me.

now that i have sufficiently ranted about leo, the dance, and leoleoleoleoleo, i think i can talk about my story. like i said, i told ruthy about past writings. i refused to tell her about Myth, though. i would have to give it up and that would be depressing. i dont think i can give up on this one just yet. i should write now. i probably wont, but goodbye anyways.

im such an idiot.

1. i have no life

2. i never will

3. i spend my time blogging

4. i will never publish anything

5. i will never even finish anything

6. i neglect my family

7. i avoid leo

8. i am self centered

9. i detest everyone whose better than me

10. i am a self hating monster

11. i will never mean anything to anyone

12. i am a bitch to my friends

13. i cant leave this list, im too depresed

14. i dont have the energy to even fucking smile

june, month of fruit.

june is the month of fruit, declares me. i have decided how and where to write my myth, and it feels good. really good. there are 13 days until my birthday, 22 until camp, and 15 till school is done. this just feels great. i mean, its summertime. whats not to love, besides this persistent heat? east coast, you mock me so. i think ill move to vermont. not maine, because maine is boring. but as north as america goes. maybe washington. a very wet state, why not? huh.

so, story development. i have definite characters and names. and right now, i am going to take a vow to not start another story or quit this one until september the first, when the hogwarts express leaves. maybe ill start labeling my posts, as well. most other people do. and it woudl be useful. i could have lots of labels, and i think i will.

im pretty sad. not depressed, but my probably only chance to view JKR is sliding between my fingers. june 18th, the harry potter theme park opens. and she might be there... this is pretty sad. i believe i am entitled to feel sad right about now. but, it is a beautiful day. except for this heat. that is pretty unbearable.