this is the end

...of my blog. im going to take advantage of the tab key while i have it, since it DOESNT WORK on my new blog. i do this pretty frequently (get a new blog) and im surprised this one lasted till it did. farewell, passion fruit and silver spoons, you will not be forgotten. au revoir, bon chance, goodbye.

http://smellslikelemons.blogspot.com/ is waiting for you. just click it.

goodbye

this is my last post before camp. im leaving tomorrow morning, and i just cant wait. goodbye, blog. see you in 8 weeks.

first blogging, then biking.

i was supposed to go for a bike ride, but im going to make a short post. prahn developments! bet was beaten by her father when she was thrown out of the house, so

wait, i might not have included any of this last time i posted, because this all happened when i was talking to myself. i do that when im cycling and my ipod is dead/broken beyond repair. i plotted out prahns entire life in a strange accent. maybe thats prahns accent? but anyways, i was talking for at least two hours, and i cant write it all down now. i can say that i got some weird looks, though.

just got back from my bike ride, i made up lots more prahn stuff. and some ophili, who i havent written about on here yet. lets jsut say she will be the antagonist of whatever story im including her in, and she has some odd views. they make sense, but still. weirdo.

so, ophili. shes this great character, which just adds to my suspicions that i cant write- only design these beauteous characters. i dont mean to brag, but i really love ophili, oren, prahn, bet, beta, (sort of, shes only an infant) madelenne, misa, hyatt, chise, denoire, poppy, ella, norte, olivia (all off them- i have centered lots of stories around olivia. she always seems to be mourning.), issac, alina, gina (who lived for only moments), jared and every other other character who i cannot currently name because im either too sleepy or just dont remember them because they didnt stand out. i just adore ophili and bet, though. and since bet can only live through prahn, and i really love his pocket and his signs, he can stay as well. of course, oren and olivia are always going to be at the back of my mind. olivia staying strong through her terrible grief and oren pushing and egging me on.

one more thing... college. im really early for that type of thinking, but syracuse, cornell and brandice are on my mind. hmm...

kim posted this on her blog, i just have to reply.

dear basil,

Can you ever possibly fathom the emotional power you held over Strawberry for years? You were a cruel, heartless manpulator, and you held her heart on strings. But know that she was no marionette. She did, does feel. She never was yours to toy with, and you never deserved her affection, or even her partiality. She has eyes, and she could see the ridiculing sneers you cast in her direction. She has ears, and she could hear your snide remarks. What are your eyes but items of unjust judgement. They see only skin-deep; they are not capable of seeing what lies beneath. I know that with your miniscule brain and limited imagination you think I mean her organs, but I am speaking of the passionate and brilliant writer and thinker that lies beneath. Your heart pumps blood like everyone else's, but it lacks the spark that enables kindness and this foreign and alien concept that we call love. Your brain has placed you in a math class two grades more advanced than your own, but you only see things for what they very bluntly are, not what they could become. You think you're the greatest, smartest being on the face of the Earth, but you cannot think outside of the box. Hell, you're so in the box that you must've been born in a UPS store. Don't think unkindly of her if you ever do see this letter, which I doubt because I have no intention of ever giving it to you. These are my thoughts and opinions, and if you think that thhis gives you the right to loathe me as much as you abhor her, then go right ahead. But please, cut loose her puppet strings. Just let her go.

well, kim, im not basils biggest fan. but you must be as short sighted, arrogant, unfeeling and ignorant as you make him out to be if you actually believe this. basil is a feeling, thinking being as well and you just must know that he doesnt give a damn about her. he wasnt tethering her like a puppet as you make him out to be, he was in no way her puppeteer. she liked him an awful lot, and remember it was you that ended up telling him of her affections. but her liking him was sleepys own fault, maybe you should try blaming her for all of this. how could he see past her face and friends if she was too infatuated to approach him? he couldnt get to know her, and if his friends laughed at her then how could he not? you know what peer pressure is and what it does, and he more than most has a reputation to hold up. the class clown that he is has to entertain everyone, and what better way then through the seemingly love struck outcast of a girl who would do anything to please him? basil, let me say what you did was wrong. but kim, you are not any more blameless than him, or me. as i recall, you have hurt her a lot more than him. do you think your teasing is just friendly banter to her? i know for a fact that simple jokes like yours and mine can burn for days, years, a lifetime. i remember when i was hated by everyone around me, and it hurt. i know im not blameless. i resent that. but again, we all have our reputations however small. im going to start fresh next year, and maybe basil is too. but i hope for your sake you recognize how wrong you are, and i hope also that this was for your reputation, because my first friend after two full years of spite and lonely hate wasnt such a cowardly judge.

sleepy: i know your new hate for basil is real, and you can blame me for everything ive done and every hypocritical thing ive just said, but i cant tell if your approval of kims letter is because you actually believe shes right, or because you are so blinded by her sudden support, or just the fact that she called you smart for once. but let me assure you that that coward is wrong to blame him for so much. yes, he hurt you. yes, he was cruel to you. but so is she, and one letter cant change the fact that he deserves a voice as much as heather and sara do. those girls you hate so much that are probably aching for a friend. i may not like them, but i can at least guarantee that they have me as a friend, which you and kim so blatantly refuse to give them. i doubt either of you have ever been really hated by so many people, especially you, kim. i truly hope that sleepy, kim and basil read this. i may be an outcast yet again, but i know that if you all hate me, i can join heather and sara, who are truly nice and caring girls. hey, maybe dana and nat will support me as well. they, at least, i can call my friends.

one last thing, kim: yes, basil isnt that creative, but incapable of love? the thing that makes us us? im guessing you havent seen his devotion to paula, who treats him the way he treats sleepy. paula is a very nice girl, but i dont see you writing hate letters to her or feeling sorry for basil.

this is the very last thing, addressed to everyone: dont call me a cowardly hypocrite, i already know i am.

not a lick...

...of reflecting on the last 3 years. should i be? sleepy is. im not sad, either. maybe im broken.

...of writing this weekend. i said i would, so of course there was no chance of it. shocking, right?

im going to go crack down, and try to figure out some of what i want in the story i was mumbling about last time i blogged. i like the basic idea, of course, but i need to really think about whats going to happen. i want to squeeze in this great character i came up with, prahn, but im not sure if i can. hes an assistant to the main antagonist, and completely insane. not bellatrix insane, more of a man who lost his marbles somewhere along the way. he watched his love die/killed her. her death was ordered by his employer the main antagonist, and he never got over it. as children he was completely alone and on the streets, and she was a mute neglected by her parents. the stuck together as outcasts, and made a life together. after her death, he would always keep one hand in his pocket- signing her name again and again. (she couldnt speak, so they made up a sign language together that no one else knew. he kept a picture of her with him, and he was signing to the picture.) a heart wrenching tale of undying love, right? theres a lot more to both of them, but ill save it. i think i named her bet, i know it started with a b.

im not sure i can include him. maybe he should have his own story? maybe i can give the 'mute lovers death drove him insane' role to someone else. it might fit better, because i have no idea who the antagonist that employs him is. he could be the main antagonist of the killed her sister story, conviced that they (sister and killer) murdered bet. who knows, if i think i can use him once i start writing again, hell be there.

i want a purpose. im going to go write again.

yes, i know i swore to keep up myth.

and i will, at camp. but an idea that i had a while ago keeps nagging me and one section is really begging me to write it. the story originally features time travel as a big element, and two giant corporations, but the section i want to focus on is the relationship between miss main character and mister next character. he kills her sister, she cant really do anything about it. she finds herself discovering he really is a wonderful person and possibly falls for him. im fuzzy on how she dies, but i have a basic idea on how they are lumped together and why the murder/manslaughter doesnt really matter. oh! maybe i could add that fish characteristic where they are participating in a big experiment! that could account for them being pushed together, but not the death. i need to plan this out.

i fisrt came back to this when i had this sort of daydream, but i was just poking around my subconscious for stories. i came across a pair laying on sodden earth just after a rainstorm, and mist floating on a gentle breeze. theyre fingers are interlocked, and the only light in this tiny wooded area is a sliver of moon, the night after a new moon. it is illuminating her face just enough for him to lean in and whisper, 'i didnt kill her, you know.'

i kinda started writing there, for a moment. and thats kind of how i tied that into the tt story. i dont know how they end up there, or where they go next, or why he had to protect ____ by taking the blame and her hate. just had an idea on how they got there. they are trying to get to someplace, (or are more likely fleeing another place) and are not in much of a hurry. she is still cold to him, but he can sort of sense her conflicting emotions. they take a break, and he notices that her pack (long journey, they had time to pack.) is bigger than his. he insists on switching, or taking some of her things into his bag, but she refuses. he tries to grab her bag but she snatches it away. they are wrestling, and finally collapse, exhausted. a drizzle sweeps through the trees (or it had started to rain, so they took a break under a denser patch of trees. if so, the moon is full but only a sliver reaches them. he notices the pack sizes after they set off, wrestling ensues.) and plasters their hair to their faces. they turn to face each other, and fall asleep. they wake up holding hands, and he announces the news.

so, thats chapter whatever summed up. i like it. i need to do some major plot development, but i have all of tomorrow off. and of course ill write.

i got my letter from my camp counselors today, and i think my jc is the girl i beat at a hp trivia contest when i was 10 and she was 15. thats gonna be weird, if its her. and yet again, i caught camp smell. i think im losing whats left of my mind.

O M toystory!

toy story 3: it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me really want to hang my new toy story 3 poster above my bed. i sat in a movie theater with erica for almost two hours before the movie started playing, (stupid messed up films.) and waited patiently in the very first row for the movie to start so we could go get better seats on the steps. but, as luck would have it, about 4 families decided to pack up 10 minutes before they told us when they were going to actually play the darn thing. so we got great seats for watching the action. and speaking of action...

warning, will contain spoilers. great jokes, scary villains, and it stayed true to the first two movies. this was an amazing movie, for us that saw toy story 1 in theaters and those who saw it for the first time on blu ray (big kids/adults and little kids). buzz fell for jessie all over again, twice, and was hilarious in spanish. woody and andy made some tough decisions (mainly woody, of course) and the beginning was captivating. i was hooked from the adorable pixar short until the credits. i cried at least three times, (i dont want to see my favorite characters in the world struggling and getting hurt, thank you.) and laughed like a criminal whenever woody wasnt pushing me to tears or the monkey making me avert my eyes. he was pretty terrifying, until he was covered in tape. i crossed my fingers and bit my lip when the toys were faced with a fiery death, and was touched by their love for each other and andy. this was a really great movie, and im glad i got to see it before anyone else, which was pretty exciting. and of course, such a neat and tidy ending cant result in a 4th movie to spoil it like was done to shrek. how could they add anything? thank you pixar, for yet another perfect film.

and, also, the short was just adorable. its not something you can describe, so go ahead and see it for yourself. please do, youll enjoy it.

60th post, and a long weekend.

its been a while since i last posted, so lets start with now. i won a contest to see toy story 3, 3 days early. very exciting. and since that is not the most riveting of news, and i dont want to talk about what happened on saturday, im going back to sunday.

sunday was my birthday! we went to the beach (me, nava, mum, foos, gran, and noel) and it was lots of fun. erica was invited as well, but her cousin had a graduation something that her mom wanted her to go to. but foos noel and i made lots of drip castles and went for a luxurious walk. we also took a nap on the beach, which resulted in a perfect tan for noel (typical), an awkward tan for foos on one section of her arm, and red ears for me. i mean, i could have told you that on saturday. maybe not the wavy red line on fooses bone white skin, but everything else. because that is just the kind of stuff that happens. noel is perfectly tan year round without a tanning both, and so is alex. (fyi, noel is my cousin and alex is her older sister.) but, overall, the beach was fun. then we had delicious ice cream and went home.

i dont have anything else to talk about.

to have a family

today, i saw motherly and sisterly love. honestly, i was jealous. i mean, it was so sweet and i know that i will never have that. oh, and i sort of mended the fight with my mum, by lying yet again. and of course, thats what the fight was about. a vicious cycle, i guess. but she wants to help me get ready for the dance, and im trying to indulge her.

but, new story idea! im not going to write it. im still working on Myth, and i will until at least the end of the summer, but this is something to hang onto. a kind of hunger games idea, but different. two groups of people, the killers and the dead. each killer has one perfect match, kind of like a soul mate, and these govt officials are forcing them into these two groups where they are trained to brutally kill the dead. (the people called 'the dead' are alive, but they will be all killed at age 15. their ages vary within the group) but before the killers take their tasks, they spend two months with the person they are to kill. these two people, one a dead and one a killer, are set together for their two month period. they discover that the govt is having these people all killed because there are two ancient groups who have these abilities, two are born every year. the govt figured that they could be dangerous, so they pretended it would be for entertainments sake to have them killed, when actually it was to keep them for gaining power and overthrowing the govt. then cool stuff happens, but i dont think i gave a very good description. so im sticking with Myth.

well, talking about my idea has cheered me up considerably, so ill go check my email.

six flags, land of enchantment.

well, today we went to six flags. i really dont have anything to talk about, since this is more of a

oh, wait, i just remembered that i had a row with my mum this morning. and yes, i did say row not fight. and mum not mom. i freaked out and left the house while she cried because she thinks i hate her. and really, i do. i just cant stand being around her most of the time. its trying on my patience, sanity, and health. she really cant shut up, and it drives me up the wall. i need to start writing, but i just feel so much better typing. this is aggravating.

in less interesting news, ive had three more strange scent experiences. there is something new wrong with my brain, methinks. i got a whiff of ibanas house, ericas place and something else i cant recall.

and there will be a lull in blogging. im just in one of those phases. ill start up probably in august. not sure.

its late. for a very important date?

i updated my profile picture, again. now it fits both my blogs. cherries and passion fruit flowers together, whats not to love? i also got very sentimental and wrote a sort of inside joke on two bands. one ill send to e while im at camp, and the other for me for always. they say friends are like potatoes; they die if you eat them. you've got a potato in me. so, the potatoes are from foos and the potato in me is our divine love of toy story. i should really stop changing my blog so much. ill reserve that for cherry, maybe.

im moving on. finaly.

well, todays the day. i am hereby moving all aspects of leo and card to another blog, so that they can be isolated. love4cherries.blogspot.com. but, to blogging.

i havent done any writing, school sucks, and i spend to much time in isolation. or gripping about what is wrong with me.

nuff said for today.

shrek

well, this is the longest blog break i've had in a while, which is pretty pathetic. but, to blogging. i watched shrek 4 on sunday, and i can say completely honestly that it was horrible. the characters that were important in this movie and extras in the others were drawn in completely different ways, which is driving me nuts. i mean, rumpy-stiltskin was my favorite character in the 3rd movie, and the pied piper was cute in the first, but in the 4th they were annoyingly different. and the plot didnt fit in with any of the other movies. they didnt include anyone from the 3rd, more or less, and they were cocky about selling their movie. i mean, even if it stood alone i didnt like it that much. the 'finding your true love' thing was very messed up. the first was is and as alway will be the best. and that goes for all movies, and a few books.

i havent done much writing, actually i havent done any. and every one i know is a dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden. which, of course, makes it all that much worse. and then camp. ah, camp. cant wait, even though the forced sonnet i wrote (for school; hence the 'forced') suggests otherwise. i think ill post it, even though it is vaguely terrible. i dont like sonnets.

My sole retreat, my home away from home.

I just wish Ramah was a bit cleaner.

The pool hates my hair, too much for a comb.

Though it’s better than here watching Dreamer,

Toilets clog almost every day here.

No one is quite sure what is in the meals.

Poo is left like a gift by all the deer.

Really wish I could get a better deal.

Maybe a camp without the horrid smell?

Maybe if the mold wasn’t here to stay?

Though they gave me the flu, the nurses mean well.

It’s where my friends are, but is there a way

For me to stay at Ramah with my friends

And eradicate the stench that never ends?

im sure you love it. im not saying i do, cause i dont, but ah well. i think i have to read it aloud in class tomorrow. fun.

oh, hell

kim asked leo to the dance on a dare. he said yes. shit.

for the full story, go to http://theforgottendandelion.blogspot.com/2010/06/oh-my-god-oh-my-heavens-holy-moly.html

but he said yes.

so, they are going out? i think?

maybe it'll just be the dance. i doubt it.

why did he have to say yes?

and today had been pretty decent until now. i found out on ruths blog, where she griped about being the only one going without a date. then she mentioned kim as someone who is. it was scary.

i think ill go curl up in a ball now.

the birds in my tree

have you ever stayed up until 2am and listened to the birds? the make some pretty funky noises late at night. or early morning. im really tired. i think i'll stay up for another few hours.

well, today stunk.

since there were about 40 people in the school today, they made us all sit in the one and only room with an AC, and watch the rookie. warning: do not watch this movie while operating heavy machinery, driving, or living. it is quite possibly the most generic sports movie ever, even though the baby (shown twice) is adorable. and, of course, we werent allowed to leave the room, talk, play cards, or read. i mean, why not read? im in the middle of the odyssey, which im sure is much more interesting, informing and educational than the rookie. so, i read under the table the entire time, which was very dark and gave me a headache.

as interesting as my headache woes are, i did a lot of story structure. i didnt write down a single thing, but i went for a bike ride and shouted about 2 chapters to the sky. i also got some strange looks, but thats to be expected. i have decided that my myth is slightly different, and it is actually a curse from the first castoff from either indlass or southern raise. (two countries flanking the island where my characters live) the curse-er is a woman who was banished because of an accident caused a very long time ago, which people teased her for, and she cursed them and was banished for the cursing. they all were terrified, because she was very powerful and nothing had happened to them, yet. then they all had children, and the kids had the same disease as the witch woman. she shows remorse later in life when one of the kids begs her to reverse it, and she does her best and then goes off to grieve alone. the story starts 5 generations later, when the descendants of the original cursed kids are now all living on the island where witch woman was banished to. now a proper country, the island is thriving. until the myth is brought back to life by the witches curse, who is its own being. sort of. i havent worked out how the curse being alive ties in, but the disease shows up in the 5th generation and a prophecy is made. and here the story starts.

i havent quite worked out the details, but the prophecy is something to do with one of the cursed children, the eldest and first child of the curse ruling over them all and the rest of the lands with the help of a certain ability. the one taming and teaching this eldest child will be the grand ruler of everything. this backfires on the guy trying to tame the eldest and first child of the curse, because of her ability. (each of the 8 develop a certain ability that they use above all and are master of. it is usually the first thing they learn to do.) so, thats what happens as far as i know. oh, and the children of the curse can only live twenty years, exactly. all part of the curse.

now that i have typed up almost everything i know about this story, i think it would do me good to write it down. or type it, which is more likely.

no news is depressing news.

nothing has happened. nothing will happen. i am dead to the world. i almost opened up to ruthy, sort of. sent her an email about past writings and whatnot. i think i gave e the impressing im depressed, i hope not. i dont want her to think too much about me. i mean, shes my best friend. but i dont want her worrying about me. i dont think she does.

leo i think has been ignoring me more than usual in school. no contact whatsoever. he hasnt even looked at me, far as i know. but ive caught him and kim talking, which is unsettling. i think that if she were to say to his face that he should ask me to the dance (which she said she would, for reasons unknown, yet suspected) there would be a greater chance he would ask her. this might be what she wants, after all. i know she would love to be asked by him to the dance, but would she sink so low as to involve me in it? i hope that, if he does, she tells us all at once. easier to cover up my despair until i can get home and sob. crap, i hope he asks during last class. and that that class is french, which we all have together. that way she can tell me immediately, and i only have to wait for a few minutes. or, better yet, he would ask her on the 8th grade trip and she could blog about it, that way i would not only be prepared but also i could email her say congratulations, and it would all be out of the way. or, best of all, he wont ask her. i dont think i could bare to hope for a scenario where he asks me.

now that i have sufficiently ranted about leo, the dance, and leoleoleoleoleo, i think i can talk about my story. like i said, i told ruthy about past writings. i refused to tell her about Myth, though. i would have to give it up and that would be depressing. i dont think i can give up on this one just yet. i should write now. i probably wont, but goodbye anyways.

camp smells

today while walking to lunch, i got a brief whiff of camp-smell. it was strange, and it only lasted for a moment. i stood stock still and waited for it to come again, sniffing in vain. it was odd, to say the least.

we didnt do much today. now that i think about it, other than the camp-smell, there isnt anything for me to blog about. im going to go write after this, and fix up what i have on paper. i might visit some other note-worthy blogs. i just dont know.

oh, wait! i know it is of no interest to anybody, but i saw leo and kim talking in the halls twice today, right after she wrote on her blog that he had been ignoring her. hmm... maybe theyve made up. i think ill check her blog first.

im such an idiot.

1. i have no life

2. i never will

3. i spend my time blogging

4. i will never publish anything

5. i will never even finish anything

6. i neglect my family

7. i avoid leo

8. i am self centered

9. i detest everyone whose better than me

10. i am a self hating monster

11. i will never mean anything to anyone

12. i am a bitch to my friends

13. i cant leave this list, im too depresed

14. i dont have the energy to even fucking smile

fruit

im in such a fruity mood today. i just changed my blog theme to passion fruits (and silver spoons, of course), i had only fruit for lunch, i thought a lot about cherries, chewed fruit flavored gum and had fruit flavored ice cream. today truly is fruity.

im going rock climbing with lolo again soon, cant wait. it really feels good afterwards, as in really good. my muscles feel rejuvenated. im going to prepare for the rocks, so ttfn.